I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
