marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i permit you to call me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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