my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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