remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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