It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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