Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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