I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
