i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
