It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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