I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
