well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
