can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
