8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
