he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
