need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
