I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
