My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it because I queefed?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
