I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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