so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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