At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
