Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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