the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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