If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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