i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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