I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
