I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
