They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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