i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
