my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
