I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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