come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
