My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
