Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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