"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
