You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
