Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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