I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
