Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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