It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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