i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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