your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
