dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
