; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
