the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
