Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
