At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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