One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
