Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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