Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
