If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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