I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
