Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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