Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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