Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
