i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
do nipples grow back?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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