I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
