Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
