Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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