and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
