and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
