there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
