glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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