I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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