If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
