I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
