They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
