Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
