Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
