It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
