You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
