If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
operation harelip BJ is a go
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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