Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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