I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
