My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
