Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
