Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Buhtt sex?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
