i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
