i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
