it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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