Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
