If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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