So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
