you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
