A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
