Define "chronic" masturbator.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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