am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
