a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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