Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
