my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
