I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
