Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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