someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize