I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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