make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
